Day 156: A Blessing or A Curse?

When looking at all of the amazing artifacts dating hundreds of years old, I have been thinking about what will I leave behind once this life is over.  Do we leave behind things that people flock to or do we leave behind things that people run away from?  Do we leave behind a blessing or a curse?

Statues of Gods and Goddesses, relics and stories handed down by mouth alone are all things that I am learning about in the cultural richness of this great country of India.  History is something that the people here are surrounded by constantly.  I am often asked why my fascination leads me to take numerous pictures of such ordinary things that the Indian people treat as common as a park bench.  Perhaps, this is what we do with things in our own lives.

When was the last time you looked at your mother and/or father and looked at them as people who wanted to leave a legacy alive inside of you?  Have you ever looked at the things that you have collected and wondered, or even appreciated, why you collected them in the first place?  Can you hear, smell or touch the exact moment when you found the item?  What was the memory that you attached to it?

We leave behind words, waste or emotions all the time and never think about it?  In other words, we are not present to our own presence.  When we leave these things behind with intention -both, positive and, unfortunately, negative, we are then an effective human being.  Are we someone that people are happy that you are coming?  Or, are we someone that people are excited to see you go?  

Negative things can be a blessing and positive things can be a curse.  Which one do you choose? 

Day 154: Moving Idle

There comes a time when you look around you and everything is a blur.  When this happens your presence is usually absent and the joy is lost.  I am currently trying to refocus my art career.  

For the last couple of months, I have been running around on the pages of the internet researching engagement techniques for my Facebook pages and looking at other artists' websites.  You know - the whole business side of owning your own business.  At one point today, I rolled away from my desk in my chair that I am in about 7 hours a day and got a wide angle view of my life.   

I have been checking off certain boxes and, at times, feeling shame for not checking off others.  I have finally learned there are 24 hours in a day.  However, now, I try to cram as much into these hours as possible.  I guess, the phrase 'Excuse the motion blur' could be a mantra.  While checking off all the boxes and feeling that instant gratification we are all trained to strive for, I forgot that I was doing all this to uncover the joy that I had been missing.  After all, I am transitioning to make a career out of what I love.  

In realizing this, I had to step back and remind myself of my intentions.  If I can't be joyful while doing this, I have to ask myself "Is this something that I truly enjoy?" Or "What about this do I not find enjoyable?"  This is the beauty of redesigning your life.  I commit.   

I have faith in this process called life.  In these moments where my heart is working hard and my breath is heavy, I have to remember the only race I'm in is with myself.  So, it's time to start being present and enjoying this ride.  Otherwise, life is just one beautiful pan shot. 

Looking Forward to Home

As the anxiety starts to settle in about returning home, I am reminded of the bubble that I contained myself in.  While in India, I have yoga classes with meditation, amazing food choices and walking the line of being completely anonymous and infamous at the same time.  I already miss India and I haven't even left yet.  

My element is in chaos.  My experience is going for days without seeing someone I know personally and keeping to myself in my world of creation.  When I think about going home, I get a general sense of feeling hindered and "too much."  I'm too much for a lot of people, I have learned, because I make them face a part of themselves that is uncomfortable.  I stretch the limits of what is possible.  This is a quality I now embrace.

My own life story stretches the limits of what is possible.  How did a guy from St. Joseph, MO make it to California, graduate from one of the top private art schools in the United States, move back to Missouri and, then, move halfway across the world to India?  It blows my mind every single day.  I have to wonder if I made all these things happen.  I did say that I would be back when I set foot in San Francisco back in 2000 for an overnight photoshoot.  I, also, said one day that I would make it to India.  My day has come.

I have to wonder if this goes for negative things in our life too.  If I think that my trip home will be full of drama and discouragement, will I make it that way?   I have come too far to know that my self worth is too much to ignore.  I have learned the power of positive thinking not only of myself but of others.  This is true on all fronts.

Regardless of what comes my way while visiting the U.S., I vow that I am just going to enjoy the ride.  Most of all, I have a very select few that I am very excited to see and hug.  I get to live and work in New York City for a week, teach a 2-day yoga workshop, be a special speaker at Missouri Western State University, sell my photo prints and facilitate a class to keep young drivers safe on the road.  That translates to getting to help people, my favorite thing to do in the entire world. 

From the famous words of Jewel in keeping to my musical references - "I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way."  After all, it's not everyday you get to say, "Hey, I'm only in the states for a month."