Visit

I couldn’t have imagined a better time with my friends, Lyndon and Pieter. They are completely amazing people that i would do anything for. Pieter calls this ‘chosen family.’ I am blessed to know these people not let alone be a part of their tribe. Both of them have been my friends during the good times, the bad and the transformative times. I have also been there for them during their marriage, a death and those times in life where there no answers just support.

I cried as I walked back to my apartment after seeing them off with both of their heads buried in their phones as the van took them to the airport. I cried because I am so lucky to have people like them in my life. Tears fell because the fun had to stop for this visit. Now, I am sad because they returned to being just short of 8,000 miles away.

I am realistic in the fact that we will see each other again. I have to remember this in my sadness. If I brought yogic thinking into this I would be indifferent to if they were in my presence or not. However, there are just some people that you want to stick around a little longer or for as long as you can. We are all so independent of each other but very dependent on on another. This perfect push and pull that exists among friends.

We went to temples. We went to markets. We went to the mall. We went all over Mumbai and it was just love all over the place. It was amazing to see their faces as their circumstances changed from the norms that they are used to to the norms that I am now used to.

Their visit was a success and one for the books. Our last full night together, we went to a place called the Finch. We enjoyed cocktails and great food. We spent three hours laughing, singing and talking like people that love each other do. I can’t wait to spend time with them again very soon.

Day 214: Final Day

Today is my final day of class and I have recorded all 214 days of it. I have documented my ups an d downs. I have recorded thoughts and feelings. I let go of people and emotions that were tied to them. I have archived the transformation that has taken place within me.

I reflect on my experience and the most valuable take away for me is that people are all the same. The personality that I clash with the most exists no matter where I am in the world. However, the person that I am has changed. The way that I react to those personalities or behaviors is all up to me.

It doesn’t matter who much you feel wronged. It doesn’t even matter what the actions were. What matters is your ability to bounce back up and rise up again. I can’t say that my entire experience in the class was completely perfect because that would be a complete and total lie. However, I can say that I regret none of it and am blessed to have that experience.

I had a desire to change and be the best I could be and met that challenge in ways that I couldn’t even have imagined. I went to class even when I didn’t want to. I got up early and performed my asana and pranayama when I just wanted to stay in bed. I challenged myself to do more and learn as much as I could. Learning the philosophy of yoga is hard enough but you are also learning a different language, Sanskrit.

I can say that I am changed from within. My love for people has grown and my life is completely blessed. With that said, I must announce that I will be started to write on this blog on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays now. I have enjoyed writing but need to focus on getting my yoga website, jeremyeatonyoga.com, ready. I will be announcing soon when it is done.

Day 213: Countdown Pt. 3

As I write today, I have extreme anxiety about moving back to Missouri. Doug’s focus is making sure that his mom is going to be ok while my focus is if I’m going to be ok. My friends are coming back from Vietnam tonight so I will have several days to spend with them and take my mind off of the worry and torment that moving back to Missouri is having me feel. I hope that they have a fabulous time and don’t recognize that I am terrified on the inside.

They have already been supportive in wanting me to move to Rochester and I’m just torn. There is so much opportunity in starting over. Finding a new city and just doing my best to make it a better place for everyone. Helping people better their own lives is my main passion. This is all possible.

It is possible for me to live in several different places just as it is possible for me to continue my relationship with Doug while I live my dreams. The ebb and flow of a relationship will happen as it always does regardless of distance. I worry that my life is too ambitious for him. I worry that while I live my dreams, he feels forgotten.

The countdown continues and my anxiety skyrockets despite my yogic training and continued practice. With everyday that passes, I am already mentally leaving Mumbai to all the different possibilities that I can make happen. There are so many opportunities that I lay in bed awake at night feeling overwhelmed. It’s not so bad to be overwhelmed with possibility.

When thinking about detachment today, I thought about how I am detached from the world around me out of protection and I am attached to the world around me because of ego. How do you just let things be when we are told we are in control and only we can create our future or outcomes? This confusing world we live in has me frustrated and grateful at the same time. If we stand still, aren’t we still moving?

Day 212: Countdown Pt. 2

Monday is the last day of my class and I am missing it to spend time with friends in from New York. They are so inspiring to me. Both of them work in the hair business. Lyndon is a hair stylist while Pieter is a barber. They work out of their house. They are able to be a team in both their personal and work lives. My parents have the same relationship so it is comforting because the little arguments that they get into feel familiar and oddly comforting.

I plan to show them as much as I can while they are here but I forget how exhausting the travel times are and how long it takes to get anywhere. How do you show chosen family all of where you live but not leave them exhausted and overwhelmed? I wanted to plan a rest day on their final day here in Mumbai so I will see if that is good for them. Meanwhile, I have to get our house ready.

Doug and I are also planning to leave Mumbai the second week of October. I take my exam on the 9th of October and then we are on a plane with two of our dogs back to Missouri. Doug is staying in south Missouri with his mom and I will be teaching yoga in Saint Joseph and Kansas City. I am testing the market to see what the people living there are interested in with regards to yoga. Will it be sustainable to stay living in that area to have the life that I want? I am absolutely not sure.

The midwest of the United States doesn’t value the things that have great value and place value on things that have no value. I completely understand that this is a mindset that I am bringing with me but I have to be realistic. I am already getting ready for a mural project that I will be doing for ‘exposure.’ However, the mural project will prove a great point that I have been wanting to make for a long time. The meeting to finalize this will be during my visit.

As I am counting down the days before I head home, I have so many choices to make and many more options to choose from. It feels amazing to have the entire world open as an opportunity but, honestly, I have been putting in my dues for a long time and am ready to live the life I design without any compromise. I am done compromising and living for the benefit of other before myself. Those days are over. I am now a changed human being with purpose and unafraid to use it.

Day 211: Countdown

As my partner and I are on the final countdown of our India experience, it is hard not to be dreading coming back to what is so familiar. However, this new set of knowledge has me mentally prepared for the challenges that are surely about to come my way. For the last three years, I have been a witness to people that were my friends finding my distance from them being an inconvenience so they have disappeared off the radar. Other unexpected people have come into my life and I get to see them in a new light.

So many people said that would visit. I mean we even got an extra year here and have had my mom, Linda, JaRan, now, Lyndon, Pieter and, soon, my friend, Brean. That’s it. In three years, 6 people have come here. I can understand not having the money and, in the case of my father, I can vaguely see not having the time. What I can’t see is people that are constantly traveling and have never even reached out. These are people that were close to me. I admittedly had expectation and now expect nothing out of them. I don’t even expect their friendship.

I will practice Mudita with them along with everyone else but my attachment to these people is way less regardless of their empty promises of making it to a land that I would have loved to share with them. I do not lack understanding when it comes to this. I have had friends that definitely have had their fair share of life handed to them and fro that I don’t blame them. I’m talking about the people that I haven’t heard from in months or, in some cases, even years. It is almost as though since I am not there physically to give myself so freely they moved on to other’s that they can leach from.

I have had a teacher that said that regardless of the outcome to give freely. Tangible things and intangible things that I person wants just give. Give with no expectation of anything back. This is the process of not creating karma with people. I want no karmas with people. I have no desire to have my soul leave my body and find another when I die. I want to be completely free even after my death.

I have feelings and thoughts that I am debating reconciling with certain people because I am completely shocked. My gut feeling is that confronting these people will just cause drama. I feel that just distancing myself and doing my work will make enough of a statement to let people know that their friendship is realized for what it is and it no longer suits me. I am not seeking empty promises to make me feel better. I am looking for like-minded people that are wanting to simply make this world a better place and I can’t be affected by broken promises/expectations going forward.

Day 210: Mindset

I had a friend last night that shared a video on Facebook that really hit home with me. He is struggling with depression and wanted to let others know that they are not alone. Many people are trying to tackle this but so many people choose to suffer in silence. There is a stigma with someone saying that they are not ok and that they need help.
My friend’s message made me cry and hit me so hard, I sent him a message just to reach out to him and let him know that he is not alone as well. We all have times that we feel like we are not enough. We all hit rough chapters in our life that seemed so impossible to overcome but you did. I have to sometimes say to myself that Everything is Temporary.

In the yoga world, this has become cliche, but for an ordinary person with no yoga experience this is a mantra that could be the difference between life and death. To truly understand what it is like to know that everything is temporary one has to practice the art of letting go or detaching from anything that is to cause us pain. Family, friends and lovers were all born to die just like we are all born to die. We don’t accept this continually proven fact and in turn grieve like we thought this person was going to live forever.

I certainly don’t want to diminish anyone’s grief or pain they feel if they have last someone. However, knowing that you treated that person with the best of intentions and respect. Did this person make you smile when they entered the room? Did you acknowledge that? We are surrounded by people everyday that just want us to be happy. Do we always return that same sentiment back to them?

There is no way to treat grief that works for everyone. The mindset we bring into grief will lift us up or bring us to very dark places in life we never knew existed. This is all up to the individual but no one is to say that that person is right or wrong in the way that they grieve a person. Mindset and Grieving are the force of two opposites because you want to remember the happiest time during a tragic time in life.

Day 209: Helping or Hurting

Often helping someone is a disguise for hurting someone. The same is true on the other side. Often hurting someone is a disguise for helping someone. As friends, lovers, parents or strangers how do we know what the difference is between the two?

When someone we love is in need of help, we often rush to help them. The have a financial problem and we bail them out with money. Our brother gets in a bad relationship and the entire family tries to lift him up. Aa friend is struggling with alcoholism and is broke so we buy them a beer. These are all ways that we help someone but really hurt them.

On the other side, we tell a friend that we can no longer be around them because their drug use has gotten worse. We tell a family member that we can’t help them financially anymore. We an acquaintance the truth of how their harsh words makes them feel. These are all ways that can hurt someone but in the long run help them at the same time.

‘Rock bottom’ is one of those phrases that has haunted me for a long time. What does rock bottom look like when you are done being someone’s employee when you really are their son? What does rock bottom look like when you have been used up by so many people that you have nothing left for yourself? What is rock bottom, period?

Im not sure if it is just the yogic teachings or my current state of mind right now. However, it feels like I am at rock bottom. I’m optimistic about this because rock bottom to me means that there is no where to go but up. It means I can create something out of nothing without the help of anyone else. This means that I own my life and its outcome.

Day 208: Ready

I have been preparing for this certification for what feels like all of my life. Everything that I have been through, all the hurt feelings, all the coaching training, all the trails and tribulations that I have been met with have lead me to this moment. My classmates are studying for and worrying about an exam and I am already preparing the next thing. I feel like I am ready to start this new chapter of my life.

There are many things to be grateful for. In the lat three years, I have completely rebuilt my credit. I can now apply for a credit card and get a credit line. That feels amazing considering I have not been able to do that for over 10 years because of my survival mode in San Francisco, CA. I swiped for everything and spent the last 7 years paying it all off and waiting for the moment that all of the bad credit starts disappearing. That is a major accomplishment for me as I have never been properly shown how to manage money or credit.

I have been offered a position at an Indian University to be a course writer for their Yoga Certification Program. This is something that will keep me coming back to India with purpose. I am awaiting finishing my certification course before I disclose more details on this. The course would be my name and the university name on a certificate. I’m still so shocked at the amount of opportunity that is flowing in.

I am going to be teaching while I am at home in Saint Joseph. I will also be doing market research to see if St. Joseph has a market that could sustain a yoga studio/teaching center. If it doesn’t I am going to be checking out opportunities with a friend that has recently opened a yoga studio in North Kansas City. I have never been in a position where I feel like I am in control of my future and it looks so bright. I get to choose my path and career when I move back to St. Joseph and I couldn’t be more excited.

With all of these opportunities coming in, I have been keeping on the ground by meditation and a strict routine of pranayama and asana practice. My kriya practices are very important to all of this as well. I can’t believe that after almost 3 years this chapter of my life is coming to an end. At first, I was scared and dreading heading back home but now I am excited about what I get to build with my passions and interests. Namaste.

Day 207: Back at It

With this being my last week in my yoga course, I am excited, scared and sad that it is coming to end. As I stated with my friend Miho, her departure starts the series of departures that leads me back to my journey of heading back to the US. My friends come back on Sunday and leave again on Wednesday and then I take my final exam for my 900 hour Yoga Instructor certification. This is exciting and terrifying at the same time.

After I complete my certification, I leave the day after to visit the US for two weeks and get to spend a week in Holland as a sort of farewell to this chapter of my life. I come back to India on November 1st. Shortly after that, my friend, Brean, comes for a month long visit of Vipassana courses, Reiki certifications and the Taj Mahal. Then, in December, I returned to the US ready to start my uncertain next chapter of life.

My life is completely at a crossroads. I want to ride the wave of being an instructor of yoga and also start my own teacher’s training program. I have projects already in the works and look forward to seeing where all of these paths lead. I have a long way to go but taking things day-by-day is the best approach for me right now. I have lessened my anxiety by this approach. It is so freeing to know that everything doesn’t have to be done all at once.

I got back to class today after missing three days last week and teaching on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. I am going to miss my students that I have been teaching for the past year and also the ones that have come in more recently. They will never know the true impact of how the shaped me as a human being and a yoga teacher. I am grateful to them like God sent them to me for bountiful lessons. My last day with them is October 10th and the days are flying by.

Being back at it, is taking a mindset of determination and strength because my attendance requirement is fulfilled and all the required signatures are all logged. It’s head to believe that I will have taken on this tremendous challenge in only March and learned so much. My life is and will always be changed. Now, I just need to find the motivation to get ready to go to class.

Day 206: Spa Day

Today was a very relaxing day. I woke up this morning much later than my usual 4am. Instead, I woke up at 10am and had to rush to make it to breakfast. We had to leave the apartment by 12:30pm to make it to Shen Reflexology by our appointment time at 1:30pm. We had 90 minutes of foot reflexology and 30 minutes of hand reflexology. Lyndon and I shared similar, unique experiences with our massage therapist.

After we got done with reflexology, I had set up appointments for both Pieter and Lyndon to do Float Therapy at Liquid Sanctuary. Lyndon had floated before but Pieter had not. Both of them loved it. While they were floating, Doug and I walked around to get dog treats, stop at the ATM and sample a piece of carrot cake at a newly opened Suzette’s in Bandra at Pali Naka. After their float session, I taught a session of Yin Yoga and put everyone to sleep.

I noticed their faces completely relaxed after about an hour of breathing and light stretching. Normally, their faces contain stress especially between their eyebrows and on their foreheads. Whispering snores let me know that they felt safe and completely relaxed on their mats. How do you bring about peace for two people that work for themselves and are full of stress and grief?

You be the best friend that you can be and let them be stressed and grieve. You job is to make sure that you don’t add anymore stress to their life so much that they have moments that they forget about their own stress and grief. You show them a world unfamiliar to them. You show them a world that is unrecognizable to anything that they have ever seen. You show them love that will be there in the best of times and the worst of times. This is true brotherhood.

A spa day turned into a learning lesson of how I love people. It turned into being grateful for three people that I love very much. I turned into a day that I grew as a partner to Doug. This spa day turned into a day that I will remember for a long time.

Day 205: Happiness

Today, we took Pieter and Lyndon to Nasik and Trimbakeshwar. They were not anticipating the car ride as bad roads turned into worse roads. The monsoon season has completely destroyed some of the roads and highways in and surround Mumbai. There were 5 adults stuffed into a Suzuki Desire. It was a trip to say the least.

We did the winery tour and, for the most part, the winery is very comparable to what you would experience in America as the owner modeled the business after a winery in Napa Valley in California. The winery is called Sula Winery. You drive into fields of vines. They had just trimmed them so there were no leaves on the vines just the twisted bark on the wire strings.

After we left the winery, we headed to Trimbakeshwar. This is one of my favorite temple towns of all time. The people there are always nice and welcoming. The have a tea stall there that the same ladies have prepared all three times I have been there. The items for sale are very cheap as well. I bought some necklaces and Prasad to share with my classmates. Also, I bought some tools to mark some of my students’ foreheads with colorful designs.

We didn’t go to the temple but enjoyed our trip. We ate McDonald’s twice today. That was very different to the diet I have been following but it was tasty and I enjoyed it with friends. Mr. P went with us as well. I always enjoy my time with him. He has great stories and is a trove of knowledge for Hindu religion and mythology. He enjoyed his time away from his wife which he said was needed.

Overall, I’m just filled with so much happiness to have friends enjoying a culture that adopted me so openly. I’m happy that our trip was successful and the roads didn’t make anyone irritable or unhappy. Everyone enjoyed the trip as we didn’t reach back until around 11pm. We still hung out and enjoyed some drinks together and then headed to bed. We have to get ready for a 5 hour spa day tomorrow before Doug and I send them off to Vietnam in the evening.

Day 204: Unpredictability

One thing that yoga has taught me is that a plan is simply a blueprint that can be changed with nothing finalized until it’s already been done. We went to the Taj Palace, Gateway and a slums tour. Doug and I have done the tour before with his goddaughter and her mother almost two and half years ago. It was just as amazing the second time as it was the first. The most amazing part was my friends’ faces after being thrusted into a completely unfamiliar environment.

Walking through the streets, I couldn’t help but notice the bravery my friends exerted as their feet were squishing in the muddy trash mixture. Their feet were splatter painted with a greyish mud and clay mixture. We learned about recycling and how the Dharavi Slums works as an economy. My friend, Lyndon, seemed changed by this experience

We often get stuck in the details of life that when taken out of our elements seem so trivial. We worry about so much that is material that we can’t even imagine living a day in the places that never see the sun. We couldn’t imagine working in an environment where we are truly expendable. All of us are self-starters and own some sort of business in one way or the other.

The streets were smelling really good towards the end of the tour and our guide was amazing. His name was Umar and he grew up in the slums and still lives there. He is attending school and doing these tours as a part-time job while in his studies. Such a humble soul that accepted my friends and their question wholeheartedly.

Just when you think that world around you has changed, you are lead to a leather shop that can make you a replica leather jacket, bag or wallet for a small price. They can have this work done in 24 hours and the fit is perfect. We spent some money there and are going to receive our jackets tomorrow. Pieter and Doug will get their bags in a few days. I’m excited to see how they will bring this experience into their everyday lives.

Day 203: Excitement

Today, my friends from the US come for a segmented stay. I’m very excited to share this part of the world with them. I worry about wearing them out because the roads, travel times and having so much to see. They are very chill and easy going. Mumbai is very much the opposite. Mumbai is a city that will eat you alive and never even look back.

I want to show them the Gateway of India where King George and Queen Mary walked. I want them to see the pigeons that flock there and the water with all of it glittered trash. I want them to experience people wanting to take their photograph just because they are white. I want them to feel loved and welcomed. I want them to witness the beauty of all that Mumbai is.

I want to share with them the joy that I feel walking around the streets where people smile and greet you. I want them to feel the jet lag but not even care how tired they are. I want them to experience food that burns your mouth but tastes delicious. I want them to feel the fear of being in a strange place but know the embrace of the Indian culture and its people.

I want them to know how much I love it here. I want them to share this joy with me. I have so many things I want to show Pieter and Lyndon that we simply just don’t have enough time. We will have to make this trip again soon where we are all on vacation and have nothing tapping our shoulder.

Pieter and Lyndon, as I am getting ready to travel to the airport to pick you up, I want you to know how much joy it gives me to be able to show you a part of the world that you have never been to before. I can’t wait to see your faces of happiness, fear and uncertainty. I can’t wait to hug you as I have missed you over these 3 short years. Appka Swagat Hai.

Day 202: To Know Where You Belong

I have written many times about how I was treated before my life life took an amazing turn into travel and discovering India. What I haven’t said is that I have no desire to stop this life. I have designed my life in such a way that I could continue on with this life for as long as I wanted. This is what it feels like to know where I belong. I didn’t and don’t belong in Saint Joseph, MO. I belong somewhere else having adventures and making my impression on the world around me elsewhere.

In truth, I did everything there was to do in Saint Joseph. I opened a non-profit to combat the horrible plague of suicide in St. Joseph. I did community theatre and had a place on the board there. I organized entertainment two years in a row for the largest event in the business community. I won Diplomat of the Year with our Chamber of Commerce. I have helped other launch their own careers.

I used to blame others for my negative attitude and for taking anti-depressants. The truth is that I was where I didn’t belong. So, where do I belong? I have no idea. I feel I could do the same that I’m doing here literally anywhere in the world. I can change lives via zoom, Facebook messenger and Facetime. I have been working on putting together my new website. I have other opportunities in the books as well.

These are all things that will make me very busy in the upcoming future. Building my online yoga certification program. Building a kids program so that I can offer kid’s camps in the summer. Starting a teacher’s training geared to teens getting ready to enter college with a trade skill already. There are also talks of a Yoga Retreat coming soon in April. I have no idea where this is going to take me. I do know that this is where I belong.

India is an amazing country and I really don’t want to leave. However, I’m excited to see the person I have become while staying here. It will be interesting to be living in the US again where they observe traffic laws. It will be interesting to not just be visiting the US. Saying this out loud already feels suffocating because I know that there is not where I belong.

Day 201: Duty

In the course that I am in, we have emphasized a lot on purpose and our duty. My purpose in life is to make this place a little better than when I entered it. I do this by being the change that I want to see in the world. I do this by smiling at strangers. Now, I do this by teaching people about the practice of yoga.

I have students that suffer from anxiety. I have students that have recently lost both of their parents. I have students that are recovering from a torn ACL or hamstring. All of these students come to the studio in hopes that they can find answers or relief. It is my duty to guide them.

I have learned the difference between helping and enabling people. I recommend certain exercises and techniques but it is up to them to practice the techniques on their own. They have to want to make their circumstances better before I can do anything with them. So, I wait. It requires a lot of patience and understand but I wait.

Some form resentment the way I did when I was going through detoxification from anti-depressants. Some are ready and start to make progress within the first session. Most are waiting for someone to swoop into their life and fix it. The majority are looking for the magic pill. The truth is that there is no magic pill to take. It is effort, perseverance and a lot of work to change.

My duty is to be available to everyone. I’m not for everyone but that is none of my business. I put myself out there everyday to be of service. I make sure that anyone that crosses my path knows that I am here for them if they need any support or guidance. This is my duty in life.

Day 200: Reflect

In this day and age where mental health can be used against you and add to the stigma preventing people from asking for help when they need it the most, we forget that we label people all the time as crazy or sane. Normally, this happens when people are provoked. People, for the most part, don’t act ‘crazy’ for no reason. This used to be a trigger for me because I worked with mentally ill people and found that most of them weren’t crazy at all. They were just people that had lost their direction, got addicted to drugs and started procreating.

These people had no idea how to deal with their drug addicts and were torn between that illness and the duty of providing as a parent. They have a constant struggle happening within them. I truly believe that no human being is bad. They may make bad choices but their nature is not inherently bad. They lost their way somewhere and some get back on track and some stay lost in illness.

I always was amazed at how easy it seemed to go to the doctor, get pills and be in this anti-depressant haze. If you look at my past no wonder I was depressed. The summer of my 8th grade year, I was told that if I was gay I had to move out. So, I decide to play it straight and, basically, move in with my girlfriend and her parents. Until the following summer when I couldn’t contain it any longer. I met my first love and we kept it a secret to a majority of the world. He, too, I believe deals with depression just like me.

Then, on top of all that stuff that has never been talked about and cleared, you add the other life stuff that happens. I chose to get into a series of horrible relationships. The last straw was before I moved to California. I was cheated on and this downward spiral started a series of relationships that were all different people but the same circumstances. Time after time, I left relationships feelings life their was something wrong with me when they were the ones that had issues of commitment and monogamy.

Thankfully, I have found a path that not only helps deal with these feelings of uncertainty but let’s me coexist with all of these people that just seem to be lost. When they screw me over, I’m no longer the crazy one. I’m on longer the boy living a double life to survive. I’m no longer the teenager afraid to be who he is. I’m no longer provoked by people that are just lost and hurt people to try to make themselves feel better. I, now, applaud them and hope they actually feel better. Say what you will but that stuff just stick anymore.

Day 199: Starting the Descent

As I have spent the last 7 months in a classroom sometimes more than 8 hours a day, I have learned so much but forgot that my days here in India are numbered. I am now having to start the paper process of returning my two biggest dogs with me in October and starting to think about what can return to the states during the trip as well. There have been moments where a particular song will come on and I start to get ready to cry. There have been times in class where I start to cry looking at the faces of the students in Shavasana.

I have no idea how it is going to be when the third week of December is upon my partner and I. I have no idea what it will feel like to return next year without my partner and not stay in our apartment that we shared for almost three years. There has been so much learning, understanding and love in this time. I don’t recognize the person I was three years ago. I don’t know who he was but he was and still is a part of me.

I have learned the true meaning of gratitude. Gratitude is not just felt in those times where someone has done a great thing for you but in those times of challenge is when the true test of gratitude shines. My Yin Yoga class yesterday completely opened my eyes about how I am constantly running. I have to ask myself, ‘What is all this running for?’

I run and accomplish to prove my value and worth. Now that I know this, I can start to work on this aspect of my life. I am going back to a place where I always changed for people. I changed so that they would be comfortable. I changed because I was too much for some of them. I changed because it got me things I would have received otherwise. Now, the change is mine. Hopefully, it makes people feel good but it will make some uncomfortable.

I have outgrown my roots and sprouted into a tree with vast branches, vibrant green leaves and beautiful lush flowers. I stand still breathing in with contentment of where I am knowing there is a journey to be had. We are taught to run towards our dreams but forget to enjoy all the little details along the way. We need to instead treat life like a walking escalator found in most airports. Looking at all the beauty around us. Life can really be that beautiful.

Day 198: Yin Yoga

I was recently certified in the teaching of Yin Yoga. I conducted my first class on today and the perfect candidate for the class showed up. The student had a variety of health concerns. He was uneasy about trying this new class but at the end was smiling and seemed more energetic. This new found practice has refreshed my teaching style and my love of teaching.

I watched as students unraveled their stresses into their mats and melted away into the floor. I watched their frowns turn into completely stress-free expressions. I shared in their joy and also practiced along with them. I could feel my body opening up as well. I could feel my relentless gratitude shining from my face.

I didn’t have pillows so we only used blocks for props. Props are looked down upon by the classical style of yoga because they try to go back to the roots of yoga as much as possible. Back then, there were no props, pillows or straps to use only the nature around these yogis and their own bodies. Who’s to say that they didn’t use a tree prop their leg up onto or rocks to hold their legs in position?

Regardless, I have another tool under my belt to take back to the US with me. I feel as though door-after-door is opening up for me to walk through. Some of my old thinking has been replaced with strength and confidence and, at the same time, some of the old ways of thinking still exist. I have worked so hard and realized that I was working to be this perfect human being so that my ego can sing. It’s not that kind of life anymore.

My aim is to empower people. I am content where I am so helping just one person realize that they are enough, saving one soul from desperation or lifting one person from a shell of nothingness into a person of strength and power just by sharing my experience. Many in the coaching world have it wrong and are very successful. They lift people up with the sole intention of filling their pockets first. The approach is not sustainable because their pocket will fill up but empty just as fast.

Day 197: Teaching

I have fully accepted that I will never be perfect but am perfect just the way I am. Therefore, I feel like I am able to make mistakes in front of people and have less shame in making those mistakes. It says a lot to me when people are so forgiving that I am learning right alongside them. It feels collaborative and not one sided.

Teaching yoga is both challenging and rewarding because although the results might not be instant you can start to see a change on the person’s face. You can see the lines on the face relaxing and you start to build a relationship with your students. I used to walk in to a class with the mindset that I was the teacher. Now, I walk into a classroom knowing that I have something to teach but that I am just as receptive to learning as well.

My students are such a joy to work with. Some of them have been students for about a year. To see them excited about achievements and small victories is what makes teaching worth it. I forget that I had to wake up at 4am to get to the studio by 5:30am. I forget that I am going through struggles myself. I get to create space for my students to feel safe, loved and cared for.

When you teach you give all the time. It is also nice to know what my limits are and know when I need to fill my glass when necessary. The day that I understood what it meant to be of service to people was the day that I found my purpose. I found the reason I live.

Knowing that the difference between a teacher and a student is a very thin line completely fulfills me. I walk into a classroom still weirded out by people calling me ‘Sir”, but fulfill that role not because I have to but because it is my calling. The other jobs that I do are becoming less enjoyable and agonizing at times because it’s like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. It just doesn’t fit. Just like circumstances, situations, work environments and family members, there isn’t any more room for filler. There is no longer the desire to force things to work and an ease to just letting things be as they are.

Day 196: Thankful

I just got finished teach yoga for about 5 hours straight. If this is what life can be like, sign me up. I spoke this morning about being grateful for every single victory. I asked my students to recall every single victory they felt in class. I told them to replace their negative thoughts with positive ones. I told them to hold their heart and to know that they could feel this peace anywhere, anytime and at their own will.

Now, I’m home and I have been recalling my words and noticing that I need to heed my own advice. I can’t believe how far I have come from not being able to touch my toes to being able to touch my hands flat on the floor in front of me. My largest challenge is my thinking. I am constantly putting myself down and having negative thoughts about trusting people. However, now that this is acknowledge, I can start working on this behavior.

I have no idea where life is going to take me three months from now. I have no expectation of becoming some celebrity yoga teacher or some internationally known artist. I have lost this somewhere along the way of being realistic, being told that I wouldn’t make it and, seemingly, having people that are hellbent on keeping me from my dreams. I used to think it was foolish to get back up again like a punching bag but maybe that’s what this life has in store for me. Perhaps in a past life I was someone that took life for granted and, in this life, my lesson is to have every opportunity being treated as a blessing.

If you look at my late teen years and my twenties, I am just thankful to be alive. That I made it this far is a complete and total blessing. The fact that I still continue to have the will to live is a miracle because just a few short years ago I was ready to end it all. I look at my current problems and they all are my own. The fact that I have a hard time forgiving people for screwing me over doesn’t mean that I don’t try every chance I get. I do this regardless of them even knowing that I am still hurt by this. There are others that I wonder if they are just evil.

Regardless of your circumstances or struggles, you have more victories to celebrate. The very fact that you are able to read this is a victory for both you and me. It is a miracle that someone thought of the internet and made it happen. So many times we think things are impossible but the trust is that we just don’t want to work hard enough to make it happen. So, if you are having a hard time forgiving someone, make the choice to get over it because you are missing out on the amazing world around you.